Is there life beyond a nervous breakdown?

That's a good question don't you think? Is there life beyond a nervous breakdown? Well yes there is. Is it the same life? No, it isn't. I have asked myself that question lots of time. Sure there is life, no there is no way it can be the same as it was before, but you can build a new life and it can be better or worse depending upon how much you want to work for it. I began to rebuild my life. Learn all over again. No not really learn it all over again, just do it again and do it right. I spent alot of that time frame in my bed, or in my Mom's bed crying, not understanding. No one at that time could tell me why it happened when it did. What caused a 13 year old to have a nervous breakdown? Who knows. Could it have been that I was snooping one day in my Mom's stuff and found pictures of my Dad, dead, in his casket? Yeah, I guess it could have been, considering that I was not allowed to go to his funeral. Hell yeah it could have been from that because I always let myself believe that he was still alive, just somewhere else. So the pictures gave me proof positive that he was never coming home again. Funny, how the shrinks never asked me that. Perhaps if they had we could have gotten to the root of my problem quicker, instead of trying drugs. But then again, would I have talked to them? I don't know, I think I would have, I wanted to feel better.

So anyway, then I felt that people were looking at me differently. Like I was a bug under a microscope type of looking. Ya know what I mean? Of course you do, we all do, we have all felt that way at some point in our lives. Perhaps they were looking at me differently, I don't know maybe it was just how I felt about myself at the time. About life without my Dad, about the life that I knew was gone and a whole new life was going to begin. What kind of life? I don't know but a scarier life, one where all your thoughts that monsters don't exist are blown away, and you find that they really do hide out in the closet or under the bed. They are there, terrible things happen to good people and the monsters make it happen. It happened once it could happen again.......

Trying to recover from something like this is hard. But you do what you have to do. My Mom helped me alot to overcome my problems. I would like to tell you that mothers will do what they can for their children. Or I should say most mothers will, some mothers won't I suppose. However, any mother who truly loves her children and want them to be everything they can be will do anything for their children. So remember that when the shrink tries to blame your parents.

Stay safe and keep healthy till the next posting.